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the definitive version of this song, written around the time of "shame cycles"

lyrics

in the morning, when the sun kills me, my heart stays open.
well, I guess I can admit that it tries its best
but I’ve gotta say, it’s nearly killed me with all its resolve
because let’s face it, I hate it here!
I wish that I could take my friends somewhere we’d never give up!

but the fact of the matter is
I’m scared there’s no chance that sort of place is real
no matter how much we need it,
no matter how much faith we lose,
no matter how often we die and come back to the night sky’s blue

yeah I grew up on the sea-misted left shoulder of an island,
far enough away from my mother’s world that I never worked hard to feel young
and though I’ve tried two times, to throw away my life,
I can still hear the sand shouting “You’ll never be able to pull it off!”

so if the ocean's always been like some ancient guardian,
then why did I become a man in the heart of a forest?
why don’t I feel at home in the water’s dark undying blue?

I’ve got less shame now than I did a week ago
I think I must have bled it all out
when I gave up and cried in front of the stray dogs my mother took in to replace my father,
to hide from the truth, every inch of this house whispers she’s all alone

but I lived here, too
so I can’t stop wondering,
am I just as alone? am I just as dead inside?
or am I the only one who’ll make it out of here, heart alive?
the sun’s coming up now - it’s time to bury myself under these blankets, cold, and blue

credits

from JVLYXIII, released July 2, 2013
Guitar / Vocal / Lyric / Music : Georgie D.
thanks conor, kT, & alcohol

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Coyotes and Wolves Portland, Oregon

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